Megan Bartholomew
Unfortunately, bills come first. And, as a recent college graduate with two fine art degrees, all I want to do is make art all day, every day. I also recently turned 26; dauntingly being released from my parent’s health insurance and met with the task of finding a job with benefits. I luckily found a position as a line cook at a pizza joint and got promoted to Assistant Manager within a couple months. At first, it was not easy navigating this new workload and, until recently, I was often going home on the brink of tears. I thought, “My younger self would not be proud of me, I wish I was selling and showing work, I wish I had more time for my practice.” In the beginning, I dreaded going to my job and coming home smelling like pizza. I still sometimes get embarrassed telling people where I work. After weeks of feeling worn-out and uninspired, I knew I had to come up with ways to release the destructive, self-discouragement that was silently circulating in my head.
The transition from working in my college studios on campus to making work from home has been a heavy challenge. I felt like I had collected too many materials and made too much work that would never be shown. I was overwhelmed by my yearning to create multimedia work and clueless on where to start as an independent artist. But, about a month after graduating, my materials found their place and my practice found its flow once more. I still have moments where I ask myself, “Am I hoarder?” before realizing that I am a collector, a creator, and I need things to create. The more I collect, the more work I can make and I want to encourage other artists to collect reusable materials and adopt more ethical practices as well. After moving my art practice home, I also became quite uninspired. Despite hanging up my sketches, plants and prints from other artists, I was still not having the “Ah-ha!” moments I had as a student. Back on campus, I was surrounded by other makers working in all mediums, I had daily guidance, collaborative projects and constant feedback. I knew I wanted to be independent, but I wrongfully assumed that the inspiration would find me and not the other way around.
I started to focus on smaller tasks that I could do before and after my shifts, like sketching future projects or photographing pieces that haven’t been documented. I stopped setting unrealistic goals and gave myself pats on the back for anything I accomplished. The realization that I cannot predict the future or pull all-nighters after a 10 hour shift became more comforting than upsetting. If I wanted to keep our two-bedroom apartment to have extra workspace and material storage, I needed those fulltime hours. Ideally, I would be applying to galleries and shows weekly, reading my art books for at least an hour everyday, filling a sketchbook every month and so on. But I know that lifestyle will come in the future. For now, I am doing what I can without over-exerting my body or brain and collecting ideas for when I have the time to execute them.
Don’t get me wrong, I still get roped into material exploration, sewing, reading and more; keeping me wide-eyed past midnight, knowing I need to clock-in at 9am the next morning. My boyfriend and I have also started going on late night coffee dates to make time for writing and sketching, surrounded by other productive folks. My favorite professor, Marius Lehene, once told me that the best artists exhaust themselves with their work and I love the days when I can’t stop creative tides of ideas. Nevertheless, my job takes a good chunk of energy out of me and I have to make sure I can go in (decently) awake for my next shift. It took time, and some journaling, for me to appreciate the position I got and accept that my practice will go through different levels of productivity. I try to practice some form of art everyday, even if it doesn’t relate to my main line of work. Even so, if I have a busy day or the chores at home need to get done, I won’t push myself to work past exhaustion. I remind myself that galleries and residencies will still be there when my schedule is more open and saving money for those experiences will prevent stress for my future self. Personally, the actual making of work is my top priority, so the showing part can wait. I am still getting used to my new schedule. I still daydream of sitting in my studio space when I am stocking cheese at work and that is O.K. Life is full of unexpected moments, especially the life of an artist. I know that my current occupation will not last forever if I keep doing the little things to build my brand and expand my practice. I will end this with a quote from my current favorite author, Hugh Prather, from his book “Notes To Myself”; a collection of statements from Prather’s personal journal which make me feel like I am not alone in this whirlwind journey of existence.
“The way for me to live is to have no way. My only habit should be to have none. Because I did it this way before is not (a) sufficient reason to do it this way today.”
Prather, Hugh. Notes to Myself: My Struggle to Become a Person. Bantam Books, 1990.
